From the desk of Stella Goldberg

Dear Stella is an advice column written by Stella Goldberg – mother, wife, and all around dispenser of wisdom. You may send your questions to her at 1445 Jupiter Street, Queens, NY 10045.

Dear Stella,

I’m trying to be healthier, but my office is filled with junk food! I’m finding it hard to resist the temptations at every turn. What do you suggest?

Trying to Slim Down

Dear TTSD,
I have been having this exact problem myself. You see, last week, I put down I don’t know how many calories in anger eating. You know what I’m talking about – when you’re angry or hurt or sad and you find that cherry cheese blintzes are just about the only remedy? Well, I did my share of that, let me tell you. But no more! I’m back on the healthy food bandwagon. After all, I’ve got to fit into my mother of the bride dress!

“What?!?!” you say? Well, gentle readers, let me catch you up. Ok, maybe not catch you up on the whole story – let’s just stick to the one important fact – my daughter, Frannie, who is a good sweet girl, has decided to marry a nice boy named Sol. They’re very much in love and will be married very soon. Why wait when you’re in love? That’s what I always say. So sometime in the next 2 to 3 months, they’ll be marching down that aisle. So much to do in such a short amount of time! I can’t believe it! My little girl all grown up and getting married under her own volition because she loves the man she’s going to marry and wants to spend the rest of her life with him – no other reason than that.

First things first, we had to secure things with the temple. We explained to them that this was something of a rush job – Rabbi Zedek understood and said he’d take care of everything. Second – a dress! We’re going with a nice ivory color – it looks much better against Frannie’s skin than white. Probably with a pretty empire waist. She has such a nice bust, you’d want to draw the eye up, and not toward any problem areas that might exist down below. Tuxes, caterers, a cake, and all the champagne people can want – though none for Frannie – she wants to keep a level head so she can enjoy her big day.

So that leaves me dieting! Oh, boy! Here we go again. I’ve decided to do Atkins. I hear it’s a good way lose weight fast, and since the day fast approaches, that’s what I’m looking for! Frannie isn’t really thrilled. She says every time I cook up bacon, she ends up puking for an hour. Let me assure you that is just from the nerves of marrying a good Jewish lawyer. Oh, Sol! I can’t wait until you’re my son in law! Maybe someday in the future you and Frannie can start thinking about making little grandbabies for me and Morty to gush over. I can’t wait!