To help with your conversion, I will provide you a condensed version of the bible to study.
And remember, today’s commandment is “thou shall not steal”.
We’ll start at the beginning, Genesis 1:1 –
At first there was nothing. Then God created the earth and heavens. It was good.
So God created light. It was good. (NB: because God created light after he created earth, then there is no possible way for the earth to rotate around the sun – earth had to be in the center. PEOPLE DIED OVER THIS!!!)
So God created land and ocean. It was good.
God created fish. It was good.
God created animals. It was good.
God created man – a guy named Adam out of dirt. It was good. God took a nap.
Adam frolicked around, but then got bored. So he said he wanted a plaything. God took one of Adam’s ribs out of his chest and made it into a woman. He told Adam he was in charge of the woman, he had to keep her in line. (NB: For centuries, women were believe to have an extra rib because of this story) Adam said “Gotcha.”
God built Eden for them to frolic around in. And he put this big fig tree right in the center and said “Folks, you can do whatever you want, just don’t touch the fig tree.”
Adam said “Coolbeans.”
Eve said “Hmmm…don’t touch the fig tree…maybe I’ll just take a look.” When she went to look, a serpent told her to eat the fig. So she did. And she fed it to Adam as well. And God got pissed. He said “Listen people, I told you not to do ONE THING and you did it! Now I’m pissed. Out you go!” And he kicked them out of Eden. They realized they were naked and had to cover themselves. Then they had to toil and slave away for their living because God’s free ride was over. And as punishment to all women for Eve’s indiscretion, childbirth hurts like a motherf****ker for every woman ever. Adam and Eve then toiled and slaved away east of Eden for the rest of their lives, producing three sons – Cain, Able, and Seth.
Tomorrow, we’ll enjoy the story of Can and Able. It’ll be bloody, folks, so bring your umbrellas!
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