From the desk of Stella Goldberg

Dear Stella is an advice column written by Stella Goldberg – mother, wife, and all around dispenser of wisdom. You may send your questions to her at 1445 Jupiter Street, Queens, NY 10045.

Dear Stella,

Tonight my boyfriend and I are going to go our separate ways. I’ve enjoyed our time together, but he was never “The One” and it’s time to move on. What’s the best way to dive back into the dating scene to find Mr. Right?

Regards,
Soon to be Single


Dear Single,
Oh, My God! So the other night, I was coming home from playing canasta at Barbara Feldman’s house when I hear my daughter, Frannie, stomping around like you would not believe. “Frannie!” I yell, “Frannie! What are you, trying to wake the devil or something? Maybe try walking like a lady every now and then!” “MA!” she says. “MA! I broke up with Julio. Have a little sympathy!” Hand to God, short of the moment I watched my son Jared accept his medical school diploma, that might have been the greatest moment of my life. Finally! She’s come to her senses! Now she can move on with her life and start dating someone who actually has potential to be my future son-in-law.

Do you know what I did next? I went to the kitchen and made her a batch of my famous cherry cheese blintzes. If I know anything, I know that cherry cheese blintzes make you feel better when you’ve got a broken heart. I took them right up to her room and told her “darling, have a nosh. An empty stomach only makes you feel worse at times like this. And you’re too thin, anyway. Like skin and bones, this one is!” Then I asked her the normal mother questions – when, where, why , how, was he really really really gone? I’m not going to go into the details of my family matters, but trust me, after you catch someone bending a manicurist name Rosa over a pommel horse in a middle school gymnasium, you don’t get back into that relationship. But I didn’t want to pry, so I just came back downstairs and started shopping for a nice dress that will show off her bosoms. The high holy days are coming up, and you’ve got to look nice. Plus, where better than to meet a nice Jewish doctor than at temple on a holy day? I keep telling my son Jared, he’s a doctor, that it wouldn’t hurt to bring home some of your single doctor friends. Bring them over, I’ll make some cherry cheese blintzes and you can sit around…maybe Frannie will come down and pretend to be halfway pleasant to people for a change.

So I’ll tell you what I told Frannie – you gotta put yourself back out there. You know men want you, you just gotta make sure you project yourself to the right guys. And now you’re a little older and wiser, so maybe you can figure out a little faster who is Mr. Right and who is Mr. Right Now. Just walk into the room like you know that every man in there wants you and sure enough, soon every man will. And it wouldn’t hurt to show a little bosoms.